Girls, women, and ladies

My girlfriend recently expanded on some thoughts from an earlier post. Ever a fan of concision, she actually prefers the shorter earlier version, but I definitely found the additional material interesting. Here it is:

I decided the other day that I would rather be called a woman than a girl. I think that calling adult women 'girls' infantilizes and disempowers us. A girl is a child, weak, impressionable, requiring paternal supervision and guidance, unable to look after herself. A woman, on the other hand, is an adult, strong, competent, independent. A girl is somebody that a man can control; a woman is someone who can stand up to him, doesn't need him, and won't take his crap. When was the last time you saw a sign at a strip club that said "Women!?" You didn't, because they all say "Girls!"
Our culture still tends to deny that women are women. Take the ideal of female beauty that is thrown at us every day ... how much body hair is a woman supposed to have? None! Who doesn't have body hair? Young girls. And how old, exactly, is a woman supposed to look? As young as possible. What is the problem with a woman who looks like her hormones are actually functioning properly? Really, what is the problem with that?
I recently took over at work for a middle-aged man, and I have encountered a certain amount of ... paternal bemusement from some of the men with whom I now have to interact. I'm certain that they didn't chuckle when my predecessor phoned to place an order. I'm certain that they didn't wag their fingers at him, admonishing him to be on time in the morning, because they would be waiting (I have yet to show up late). The fact is I am pretty, female, and look no more than my 24 years. Clearly I am no one to be taken seriously. Clearly I am not a woman ... I am a girl, to be patronized, tolerated, and completely out of place in a position of responsibility. I am the 'girl' behind the counter.

I am not going to apologize or pretend that I am not what I am. I am not going to go along with people who want to pretend I am anything other than that. I am a woman. I am intelligent, educated, competent, I'm completely capable of taking care of both myself and, if need be, others, and I even have body hair. I'm not going to be horribly offended when somebody calls me a girl, but I think a culture that hesitates to call women what they are is one that is still afraid of what they are. I think that kicking the 'girl' habit is a small way of erasing the persistent paternalism that, at this point, really shouldn't be informing us any more (not like it ever should have to begin with, but we can't change that).

Sidenote: What about 'lady'? Lady is a tricky one. I often call my friends 'ladies'. On the one side of things, a lady can be a really awesome person. She can be mature, intelligent, have character and self-possession. 'Lady' can definitely be used as a term of respect. On the other hand, I don't hold much truck with 'lady' when it has to do with being ladylike, or when it comes in the form 'young lady'. God knows being ladylike involves a lot of pretending to be what you are not. 'Ladylike' requires that one give up feeling comfortable, having a good time, and being interested in sex. And a young lady, of course, is little more than a girl.
I think in the end I am pretty ok with 'lady'. I do not appreciate the term 'young lady', and I certainly will never be ladylike, but when it connotes a mature woman with a full character, then I think it can be a very respectful or complimentary term. I don't mind being a certain type of lady ... but only that certain type.