Rhetorical Questions from a Language Purist

Does virgin wool come from celibate sheep?

Yep, vigin wool -- as opposed to what?

Promiscuous cotton?

How can food be anything other than organic?

(If it wasn't, how could we eat it?)

Why don't we use 'gruntled' as a synonym for satisfied?

Why not 'rebuttle' arguments? Or call the socially apt 'outroverts'?

And isn't it about time 'tricknology' was in the dictionary?

On the other hand,

'de-plane' is not a verb

or even a word.

Do you think incidents of air rage would decrease

if airplane employees stopped constantly using it?

And the only people that refer to Toronto as 'TO'

are wannabe gangsters,

like the hardcore suburbanites

that do their graffiti in eraseable chalk

(and oh, was it a coincidence you scribbled your promises of eternal devotion in pencil?)

And speaking of which (gangsters not heartbreak),

what does it say about you

that you think gang-banging is a form of rape?

[Written way back in fall 2004]